Keeping a Loved One Out of the Nursing Home

So many of us are facing the challenge of what to do with our parents or other loved ones when they can no longer live independently in their own homes. In the past the only option was a nursing home and the only real choice was which nursing home would be most comfortable…few options for those who had certainly earned the right to enjoy their twilight years.

I still remember my first trip to a nursing home many years (okay, decades) ago. I went with my Girl Scout troop, and it’s a memory that will stay with me forever…but unfortunately, not a good one. It was around the holidays and our troop leader thought it would be a wonderful opportunity to lift the spirits of the seniors at our local nursing home. To this day I remember the gray…the gray of that cold, damp November day, the grayness in the pallor of their loose, wrinkled skin, the lack of color in the halls where the lonely seniors sat in their wheelchairs all day; but it was the gray that you didn’t see but, nevertheless, felt..the sadness in their eyes, the loneliness in their hearts, the hopelessness of their spirits that remained with me for the rest of my life; it was the saddest place I had ever been. Read the rest of this entry »

The juggler stood poised, balls positioned in his hands, ready to take flight. The air in the big tent was electric, the spectators waiting to be regaled. The circus was all that everyone had expected it to be, and more, so expectations were at an all-time high for the finale. The juggler could feel his hands getting sweaty. It was time for the music to start.

The first chord resonated through the canopy as the juggler slowly tossed the first red ball into the expectant air. A child giggled as another ball went higher into the air, and then another and another. The crowd clapped and stomped their feet in approval. The juggler was exhilarated for what seemed like eternity. The crowd clapped as he thrilled them with the antics he had practiced and perfected his whole life. He was good, the best, and he was well aware of it. The crowd would walk away knowing they had witnessed the best.

A hush fell over the crowd as the balls careened out of control. The juggler leaned over to try to gracefully grab one ball back into play, tripped over an electrical chord, and lost his footing. The crowd gasped and then fell into silence as the juggler fell head first into the wooden makeshift floor, hitting his head and painting the floor blood red. The juggler looked up at the crowd sadly. He had let them down…
>>for the rest of the story

It seems that from the time we are born, the people around us are telling us what to do.

“Don’t laugh so loud. People are looking at you!”

“Why don’t you hang around with that nice girl down the street instead of that other girl you hang out with?”

“Why are you dating someone with an earring?”

We live our lives trying to be what others want us to be, doing what they say is “right” even if we don’t believe it’s really right for us. The day inevitably comes when others’ plans for us don’t fit any more. Their agendas become a shoe that we’ve outgrown, a shoe that hurts when we put it on.

So what do we do? How do we please others and ourselves too?

Growing and evolving means risking leaving the fibers of the comfort of the cocoon that’s been woven around us by others…and ourselves. And the risk of breaking free from the cocoon and using our wings is scary.

What if the wings don’t open up?
What if I can only fly for a little bit and then I fall?
What if I am not as pretty, as proficient, or I can’t fly as high as the other butterflies?

My cocoon was my marriage. Like a lot of people, I was blindsided by the viciousness that I didn’t see coming. I was going to marry my prince and live happily ever after. The names that were flung my way by “my prince” were names fitting for a malicious person, not the woman that I had worked so hard to become.

Not realizing at the time that “Hurt people hurt people”, I crawled deeper into my comfortable, silent cocoon, turned off my emotions, locked the door to my heart, and I tried to keep my husband – the person who stood valiantly in front of hundreds of people 20 years earlier and vowed to love and cherish me – from battering my spirit.

Eventually the cocoon that protected me started to smother me. And I began to feel the urge to beat my wings against the crusty walls of my reality so I could break free and fly away.

Mustering my courage, I began to stand, give myself a voice in my marriage; I faced the fear of flying on my own – “How am I going to afford to raise three girls? What if no one wants to hire me? How will I know when to change the oil in the car? What if men don’t find me attractive? Interesting?” I eventually realized the pain of flying into the unknown was less excruciating than the pain of staying in my cocoon. The darkness of my shell was blinding me to the beauty of life. I was not waking up to days of sunshine. The abusive name calling drowned out the sounds of life: birds singing, kids laughing, music playing. Laughter was not a part of my life any more, but a very distant sound. Even time spent with friends had gone from fun and carefree to a chore.

So what do we do when the fear of “breaking free” outweighs the familiar pain we have learned to manage?

1. Stop. Stop running from life. Stop the excessive shopping, drinking, eating, and gambling. Stop keeping busy. Stop and listen to your heart. Don’t run from one kind of pain to another.

2. Journal your thoughts. Write down what you are thinking and keep track of what is going on in your heart. Watch as your feelings transfer from your heart to paper and then disappear as you confront what has been locked inside.

3. Take one step at a time. Like Dorothy as she looked down the yellow brick road toward Oz, which seemed so far off in the distance, she started her journey the same way you will: by taking the first step. And then the next and the next and…

There comes the day we can’t help but think, “There has to be more to life than this!” When we break free of our self-imposed cocoon and finally spread our wings and fly, we learn that being free feels good.

As time goes on, your flight – your path – will become more fulfilling, more gratifying, and you will begin to attract people who will cheer you on and support who you are becoming. As I began to believe in myself I found myself surrounded by people who, with their love and faith in me, challenged me to be more than I ever thought that I could be. People who pushed me to take my gift of speaking and not settle for using it for doing good things, but to use it to accomplish great things!

You’ll discover gifts that have been locked inside of you for far too long. I found that my sense of humor and ability to tell stories became an attractor to meet and connect with new people. My years of experiences and reading so many books enabled me to share my locked-up knowledge with hungry minds. The world will be a better place because you believed in yourself; you heeded the restlessness that beckoned you to make a change. One day you’ll ask yourself, “Why did it take so long for me to emerge as ME, the real me, the me that I was put on this earth to be?”

There is power in acknowledging that you want more. More laughter, more friends, more opportunities, more life to be lived, more sunshine in each day – even rainy days! You deserve to be free. You deserve to be YOU!

Spread your wings a little wider and believe! You were created to soar! Fly butterfly, fly! Farther than you have ever imagined!

By Sandy Griffin, http://SandyGriffin.com

What do the Los Angeles Times, an ex-mayor of St. Louis, and talk show host Regis Philbin all have in common? Well, all three challenged real estate guru Robert Allen to what any reasonable person might think were impossible proofs of his claim,”Send me to any city in the United States. Take away my wallet. Give me $100 for living expenses. And in 72 hours I’ll buy an excellent piece of real estate using none of my own money.”

Did he succeed in each challenge? Read on to find more about the Robert Allen Real Estate Challenge…

Summer’s approaching, gals, and I swore I was going to be at least ten pounds lighter by Memorial Day. Guess what? I’m not, and there’s absolutely no excuse for it. It’s now time to get serious, healthier, and (yes) thinner. And there’s another reason for dropping the pounds…

I’m almost embarrassed to admit it. It’s juvenile, silly, immature, but motivating…See what’s got me serious to lose weight this summer…