Embracing Different Perspectives for Working Mothers…

I just posted an article on Women’s Work by Georgette Pascale - Have a Kid; Have a Life? Dispelling Myths for Working Mothers. I felt compelled to publish this article and share it with the Women’s Work community because in the article Georgette shares her experiences with juggling the many roles that a woman takes on. When I spoke with Georgette, a thirty-something entrepreneur from Pittsburgh, I couldn’t help but be drawn to her message relating her experiences as mom, wife and business owner leading a growing company.

A couple things really hit a chord for me - Her confidence that the “best” way to raise her child didn’t come in the latest book or study. What was “best” for her child was what was “best” for the family. She didn’t get hung up with what she “should” or “shouldn’t” do. She consulted with friends and family, but ultimately trusted her own instinct. The second was that she didn’t lose her identity as a person serving many roles when she became a mom. Mom was just another role for a busy, happy woman. Oops…and there’s a third - Georgette’s story is eerily similar to my own. I wanted to share this with the Women’s Work community, not to imply this is THE way…it’s just another way. And the BEST way is what’s BEST for you!

And to build on that dialog, following are a couple little ditties that I’ll share with you from my experiences as wife, mother, and working woman. They are in no particular order…just my random thoughts.

• Don’t worry if you don’t feel this immediate outpouring of love or instant connection to your baby. I remember after delivering my son, Nathan, and once the doctors checked him all out, they handed me my baby boy…this amazing, incredible, (albeit) blotchy boy. I was overwhelmed because all I could think about was the true miracle of birth. Here, this little person who just hours ago was resting inside me. Delivering my son is still one of the, if not the, most significant event of my husband’s and my life. But I have to be honest, when I held him in the hospital, days, weeks, and maybe even months afterwards, I didn’t have that “warm and fuzzy” or strong tug of emotions that articles, books, and talk shows speak about. In fact, those moments remind me of a song from the Broadway show and film A Chorus Line called “Nothing,” specifically the part of the song where a cast member from the chorus line sings, And I said…”Nothing, I’m feeling nothing,”…They all felt something, But I felt nothing.” I knew I loved him, and my instincts told me that was enough. And it was. And each day I loved him just that much more. Maybe it was hormonal, but I don’t think so. I didn’t suffer thru any “baby blues.” It was just me. Not some perfect me, idealized me, or made-up me. Just me. And that was enough. And 12 years later, there is no doubt by me, my husband, friends, family, and certainly not Nathan that I love that boy more than life itself.
• As I said, the birth of my son Nathan was the most important event of my life, but the second most important event (oops, sorry that was my wedding day!), okay, the third most important event of my life was the day I stopped breastfeeding. I can hear it now, the responses I’ll be getting from outraged people claiming that it’s one of the best things you can do for your baby. I already know the arguments. But it wasn’t for me…it wasn’t for Nathan.

  Let me give you the back story first - for the first month of Nathan’s life he was very uncomfortable after his feedings. I took him to our pediatrician who said she needed to rule out colic. Well, I had done some research on colic and found out that colic was basically the term given to babies who fussed without any real reason (i.e., if the doctor didn’t have an explanation, it was colic). Well, I knew reasons, I had an explanation…it happened to Nathan after every feeding. I could hear and almost feel the gas inside him while he was trying to digest my milk. Well, my very skeptical pediatrician told me to try a formula called Nutramigen on Nathan. It was a nasty tasting (very expensive) formula that I would have to dilute with breast milk to transition him to. It was possible that Nathan’s digestive system was immature but it could handle this formula. I stopped at the grocery store on my way home from the doctor’s, picked up the new formula, and fed it to Nathan undiluted. He love it and that was the last day he ever cried after a feeding. Two months later after his digestive system had matured, he graduated to regular formula.

  Now back to breast feeding. I did not like it one bit. I felt like a cow on call. And Nathan was one of those dawdlers, not a efficient, or productive feeder (sorry, that’s my engineering coming thru). When we discovered Nutramigen, I was elated. I still recall the Saturday that I spent mostly in the shower marking the end of my breastfeeding days. I got my freedom back and couldn’t wait to get back into my ol’ tanktops, but my husband was admittedly a little disappointed.

  Now for the health aspects…I know the critics expound on the benefits of breastfeeding and I agree that my experience is simply one case. But I can say that Nathan was and continues to be one of the healthiest kids I know. He was hardly ever sick as an infant and toddler, never had strep or a single ear infection. In fact, I was at first embarrassed (then quickly proud) to admit to our vet who needed to call in a (human) prescription for one of our ailing cats that we didn’t have a pharmacy. I’ll also mention that Nathan was introduced to solid food before it’s recommended now (thanks, mom, for the rice cereal in formula tip that led to sleeping through the nite!). Contrary to the experts, Nathan never developed a single allergy, food or otherwise. Oh, and one other thing (this will shock the grandmothers, it certainly shocked my mother), we never warmed a bottle for Nathan. Most of the time, he drank his bottle right after it came out of the fridge…with no belly aches.

So what am I saying? Simply, don’t drive yourself crazy with “have-tos” and “should’ves.” Consult with the experts but don’t be afraid to trust your instincts. No one knows your child(ren) or family better than you. And remember “the best” is not what’s written in any article or book, it’s what’s “best” for you and your family.

Feel free to agree, object or tell us what works for you,

Susan