So what’s the deal?

I often make deals with myself and I bet you do too. You know what I’m talking about…..that secret voice that taunts us. “You can have the dessert Carol, but only if you do an extra hour of cardio this week.” Deal. Then there’s the early morning alarm interrupting a nice, sound sleep – I make a deal with the devil that I can hit the snooze button three times as long as I promise to walk the dogs AFTER work instead of before. Deal. How about when you can’t imagine your legs running another two steps yet you make the deal with yourself that if you get up the hill you can stop. Funny thing is after getting to the top you forget your resolution and somehow know you have it in you to keep going.

I think about that scene in the movie, Age of Innocence. Daniel Day-Lewis’ character is trying to sum up the courage to go tell the Countess (Michelle Pfeiffer) how he really feels. She is standing on the shoreline looking out over the water not knowing that anyone is watching her. As he approaches her from behind, he pauses and sees a boat drifting across the horizon and then decides. He’ll keep going forward only if she turns around before the boat has passed from view. He needs a sign that this is the right thing to do. Uh oh – this blog entry has suddenly morphed from deals to signs!

The point is we negotiate with inner voices in making our decisions. Maybe it is in the form of a deal we make with ourselves. I’ll buy that cashmere sweater only if I promise to skip going out to dinner over the next month so I can afford it. Perhaps you think you have been given the proverbial sign – a conversation you have with a stranger on a plane that inspires you to make a change – an opportunity that falls in your lap when you weren’t even looking for it- or maybe it is medical scare that reminds you that life is so short.

So….here’s the deal. I’m weary of working until I drop for organizations that don’t seem to appreciate or reward the extra effort. Making and saving money that line the pockets of shareholders while mine remains empty somehow seems meaningless at this point in my life.

It’s time for a change. The boat is sailing across the horizon – soon to disappear. I muster the courage and turn….but sadly Daniel Day-Lewis isn’t staring back at me. No worries though…the view I see may be a bit a bit scary but it still looks mighty fine.

Carol